Eight things I WON'T be doing before I die.

Image:  Chinaman's Beach Vincentia 2013 

Sonia over at Life, Love & Hiccups wrote about her "Eight things I won't be doing before I die."  Sonia got her inspiration from Holly at Full of Beans and Sausages, who saw the idea on The Pyreflies.  I guess it is sort of like an anti-bucket list.  It is a little odd to write about the things you won't be doing because I could just go around and quietly do them.

Sonia challenged others to do their list of eight so here is mine.  Once I got started much like Sonia I found it hard to keep to eight.  

Thanks for the inspiration Sonia.

1.  I WILL NEVER EVER GO ON A REALITY TV SHOW.

Ok I need to declare that I have actually technically been on one already.  Many years ago a good friend and I went on Ready, Steady, Cook!  This kind of really doesn't count because it really is shot in an hr and there is very little editing.  By reality TV I mean Big Brother, My Kitchen Rules, Masterchef or even worse still I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

Many years ago my Mum joked that we should go on MKR and my brother quite rightly declared that Australia is just never going to be ready for that!  I love to cook and bake so if it was going to be any sort of reality TV it would be cooking but honestly the judgement, the editing, the negative side of the 15mins of fame nope it is just not for me!

2.  I WILL NOT LET MY MENTAL HEALTH CONTROL ME AGAIN. 

This one is probably the hardest of all.  The truth is I didn't actually know how deep I was in until it was too late to find a way out.  All I know is that for now and hopefully into the future I have the support structures around me and the safety nets to catch me if I fall.  I know I have lots of love, support, friends and family around me so most importantly I need to reach out.  I think this one will be a work in progress, but I am going to try really hard to keep to this.

That isn't to say that things won't be challenging for me again, and that there won't be tough times.  I am just saying that I will try to do much better at paying attention and noticing before everything spirals out of control.

3.  I WILL NEVER GO SKYDIVING!

The truth is it is hard enough for me to get on a plane that is going to take me from location A to location B.  So for me to get on a perfectly good working aircraft to jump out and hope that I land, yeap nope, never going to happen!

4.  I WILL NOT GET A TATTOO. 

I don't have anything against tattoos, some of my close mates have the most beautiful artwork!  The reality is I am the biggest chicken getting around!  I would honestly love to get a tattoo but needles, pain and all of that it's not ever going to happen.  In the meantime I will just admire some of the beautiful artwork on other people.  Plus if I don't get a tattoo I will still be the good child (kinda sorta) my little brother has a tattoo and my mum hates them, growing up all I heard was if you were meant to have drawing on you, you would have been born with them!

5.  I WILL NOT EVER GET DRUNK AGAIN. 

Ok so given that I don't drink alcohol at all this is probably not the hardest one for me to achieve.  However, if one day in the future I found I could tolerate alcohol again I will not get rip roaring drunk  so that I wake up with a hangover ever again.  Been there done that, and now with kids it is hard enough getting up each day without a hangover!

6.  I WILL NOT HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN OF MY OWN. 

I doubt we will ever foster either, but I know that I am done.  Without a doubt you put a baby anywhere in my vicinity and my ovaries explode with cluckiness.  I can goo and gaa over a baby like a pro, the best part about babies now is that I get to hand them back when they cry and I will NEVER have to deal with a toddler again!  On the flip side I am about to discover just how much like toddlers teenagers are, and they are bigger so I can no longer simply pick them up pop them in a cot and walk away!

7.  I WILL NOT BUY ANYMORE WOOL! 

Ha!  Who am I kidding, I just threw this in to see if anyone who knows me well is reading what I write and paying attention.  That said I will need to significantly work through some of the stash here first and possibly even find a job to be able to buy more wool!

Image:  Some of my stash how can anyone resist wool is so pretty!

8.  I WILL NOT CLOSE THE DOOR ON CHANGE. 

Probably one of the things I fear the most is change and uncertainty.  There is a reason we are still living in the same house we bought way back in 2001, and it has nothing to do with my hubby not wanting to move or make a big change.  It is all me I am scared.  I get myself too caught up in the what ifs, whys and wherefores and turn myself into knots to see the outcomes of my decision of change and when I can't I get so paralysed that I stay put.  Stay with the known.  I am going to try very hard to not do that anymore and if the opportunity should arise I will try to embrace change.  That does not mean by any stretch I am going to run out and look for it!

and just because 7 was a little bit of a joke,

9.  I NEVER WANT TO LET PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN.

I know this in itself is a fairly huge challenge.  I guess I am thinking not just in recent years but over my life.  I know there have been times when I have been an incredibly crappy friend, I have broken the "friend code," and had it done to me so perhaps I felt justified, either way it wasn't right.

I want to make better choices and not be so influenced by others, I want to know "how I like my eggs"* and not just follow others along.  I want to make better choices when I am making new friends and be guided by my own judgement.  Equally I want to really listen to my heart when others or perhaps my heart is telling me it is time to let go.

Lastly, I want to be a better person.  I want my children to understand that in life we all make mistakes, how we accept responsibility and move on from those will define us more that the mistake itself.  I want to teach my children to stand up for what they believe in and when they see injustice to call it out, but to do this in a loving way where possible so as to not hurt others in the process.  Mostly, I just want to live my life in a meaningful way, a way that fits with who I believe I am inside, who some people see me to be, I want to live up to that.

Image:  Meaningful things to me, my bedside table

I would love to hear from you, what your list of eight things is.  If you can't or don't want to share all eight please share one or two with me.  If you write a blog and do write up your eight let me know and I will let Sonia know and she can work the internet magic she has and create a link up because that is waaaayyyy out of my scope of ability at this point in time.

Come on don't be shy!

Cathy xoxo 

* Reference to Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride 

Where is our moral compass?

I am honestly struggling today with the news.  Yes this is going to get political and it may even be uncomfortable for some people.  I am not going to apologise for that, I am incredibly uncomfortable about the entire situation and it is not lost on me that I have the ability to sit in the comfort of my lounge room and write this up.  

The two major stories that I have been following and interacting on twitter about are Sydney lockout laws and Baby Asha who is still currently at the Lady Cilento hospital in Brisbane. 

I have read some horrendous tweets today that I am truly in shock that people could say about other people.  Most of us in Australia live in a situation of relative wealth and privilege.  Yes, even those members of our society that rely on public housing and welfare are doing better than at least 50% of the World's population.  Perhaps not great by Australian standards but by global standards most certainly! 

I have read the tame cries like 
"How about we look after our own people first" or 

"LOOK in YOUR OWN BACKYARD FIRST. HOW DISGRACEFUL. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS BUT YOU ALL CUT AUSTRALIANS DOWN and DOWN and DOWN and OUR OWN ELECTED GOVTS CANT SEEM TO WORK FOR THE PEOPLE WHO PAY THEM! GET OUT ALL OF YOU" - on the Q & A Facebook page.  

To this "If #LadyCilento #LetThemStay protesters get their way, they'll be throwing burning babies off boats to get into Australia." on twitter from Bernard Gaynor Australian Liberty Alliance Senate Candidate for QLD! That's right this man hopes to sit in parliament!

Without doubt if I look hard enough there is a lot of support for Baby Asha and her family actually it isn't too hard when Brian Owler the current AMA President is speaking out with comments like these "The prolonged detention of children is a state sanctioned form of child abuse and we call for it to stop #healthasylum" or this from Saturday night "Any attempt to forcibly remove baby asha #LadyCilento a dangerous act from which there is no return @TurnbullMalcolm #LetThemStay #auspol".  

Late this afternoon (Sunday) there appeared to have been a "deal" done whereby Baby Asha and her family will be allowed to move into community detention.  For how long it is uncertain.  The family is still not able to access their advocates or legal team so I am somewhat cynical about the humanity of this "deal" and fear they will be whisked away in the dead of night when the "noise" dies down, at least I feel that is what the Mr Dutton is hoping, I pray I am wrong! 

When we have the entire medical profession against the government something is wrong, very wrong!  And it would seem not just the medical profession in Australia 

"When doctors start civil disobedience it’s time to take notice http://www.bmj.com/content/352/bmj.i996 … #LetThemStay" - Tweet Lesley Russell Wolpe Adj A/Prof, Menzies Centre for Health Policy 12:32 AM - 22 Feb 2016 * 

Image Source:  cnn.com

Of course there are lots of just ordinary people speaking out on Twitter and protesting outside of the hospital itself and supporting those who were protesting overnight by supplying them with water, food etc as they kept vigil.  It all just feels so empty to me.  We are all up in arms about the 200+ asylum seekers that are currently here awaiting imminent deportation after the loss of the High Court Case regarding the legalities of offshore detention that was somehow found to be legal.  #LetThemStay has been trending for a little while now and has a fair following.  

The thing that I find hardest of all to put together in my head is that Australia is a signatory to the Human Rights Convention, a signatory to the Refugee Convention and we as a country have also been engaged in conflicts in many of the areas that these Asylum Seekers are fleeing from.  I believe that we as a nation have a moral obligation to assist these people.  By no means am I suggesting that we throw open our borders, but honestly what is the worst that can happen for that.  Upon arrival people will still require processing.  At that point if they are not suitable or do not meet the refugee test then put them into detention until a suitable homeland can be found for them. 

I also struggle that these people fleeing horrors that we cannot imagine and cannot simply return home because in many cases their homes simply do not exist anymore.  

Images from the home we want Syrians to return to! 

Image Source:  bbc.com

Image Source:  newsweek.com

They are then "housed" in accomodation that we do not even expect some of the worst of the worst prisoners to live in!  
"Former detainee says that detention doesn't feel like prison, because in prison he still felt like a human being. #healthasylum #LetThemStay"- NSW Medical Students Twitter.  

In addition to this we as a nation deny them appropriate healthcare, mental health care, education the list goes on.  

These two pictures defy logic they almost make Nauru look like a tropical holiday destination when the reality is very different.  

Image Source:  theaustralian.com.au

The truth is far more like this 

Image Source:  smh.com.au Nauru

Image Source:  abc.net.au Manus Island

This however, has not occurred overnight, slowly but surely through a long campaign of fear from the conservative right since 2001 has ensured that as a nation we live in fear of anyone who looks different, believes something different, wears different clothing or speaks a different language.  We do not stop and listen to their stories to discover how enriching they could be to the society, they are pigeonholed as illegal and terrorists.  Bit by bit successive governments have enacted tougher and tougher legislations against refugees and illegal migration.  We as a nation have allowed this to occur because we continue to vote in conservative governments.  Of course we conveniently forget that the largest group of illegal migrants in Australia today are visa overstayers see the table below for the 2013 figures.  

To me the entire situation is beyond embarrassing and I find it ridiculous that our leaders feel justified in lecturing other nations about their Human Rights records when ours both historically (with the treatment of our Indigenous peoples) and currently with the treatment of refugees is beyond abhorrent.  

As almost a ridiculous sideshow Sydneysiders today took to the streets to protest lockout laws predominantly in the Kings Cross/Darlinghurst vicinities.  Really, you are kidding right that the biggest issue facing you today is that you can't get a beer or two after 1am!  I am not unsympathetic to the plight of those who work in industries such as theatres etc and finish late but really if you want a drink that badly you can go down to the casino and get one.  Just because you are in the casino does not mean that you MUST gamble.  

Image Source:  smh.com.au

Closing bars and clubs at 3am with lockouts from 1am does not mean we are turning into a Casino culture there are a whole raft of other factors contributing to that!  Equally the lockout laws do not equate to killing off the music scene as was claimed by some interviewed for news stories today. 

We have the medical profession clearly saying that these laws are actually making a huge difference in the incidents of violent injuries presenting in the ER departments of the major city hospitals.  If these laws prevent just one death or long term injury then surely that is a good thing?  

Now I am not a wowser by any stretch of the imagination, and I am not going to say things were better in the olden days.  Seriously, I did my fair share of drinking in the Cross and I don't remember the alcohol fuelled violence we have today.  The only late openers in the Cross back in the day were the strip joints (which I didn't frequent!) and the Bourbon and Beefsteak, given we would often need to train it back to the 'burbs we would try to make the last train of the night otherwise it was a long wait at the Bourbon and Beefsteak til we could get home! 

I also had a large group of male cousins and friends and honestly they drank A LOT and there just wasn't the violence for violence sake there seems to be today.  I am not saying there weren't fights there were but there was typically a reason (never justifiable in my opinion) but I just don't remember blokes walking up to other blokes (or girls on girls) and hitting someone for no reason.  Things were getting out of hand, alcohol violence was increasing at alarming rates and something had to be done.  

Hence the lockout laws.  Sure they are not popular and certainly there was always going to be casualties in these laws, from the many arguments I have heard today all of them revolve around the ability to buy alcohol after a certain time.  It is like Sydneysiders are being denied their Human Right to drink alcohol!  Really?! 

Here's a thought if you as business owners are really serious about staying open late and providing opportunities for musicians to play or places for people to hang out, think outside of the square.  Diversify your business accept that as a nation we have a HUGE problem with alcohol so perhaps it is time to address that and provide alternatives.  After a certain time offer other forms of drinks mocktails, non-alcoholic beverages, hot drinks, food.  If it is really about the venue being able to stay open late and listen to music then this will work.  Though I suspect it actually has a lot more to do with the fact that people don't like that they can't buy drinks and they don't like being told what to do even if it is having a beneficial effect for the community at large.  

I guess I am just in shock at the sense of entitlement that some Australians have.  We will defend our right to buy a beer after 1am but we won't defend the right of someone seeking safety and sanctuary.  It just all makes me sad.  

Cathy 
*  Edited to add tweet 

Have you ever ...

Have you ever rediscovered something that you once loved and then somehow life moved on and so did you?

This has happened to me recently and yes, it goes without saying that everyday I rediscovered lots of things.  This discovery was different.  I discovered a whole heap of my old music!  You know CDs from the early days!

I also have a huge amount of LP Records (and 12inch singles) around somewhere too I think they are in the roof space though.  Given my fear of ladders and well the fact that I can barely stand up to balance there is little chance of me climbing up there to find the records.  Oh and combine that with the fact that we don't actually have a record player (or a cd player we use the Playstation by the looks of things!) there would really be no point except to reminisce.

I think I can do that pretty well without getting my records down.

Here are some notable (or perhaps not) mentions:

*  Clarence Carter - Strokin' 12inch
*  Paul Lekakis - Boom Boom
*  Wham - Make it big and Fantastic
*  Bros - Push
*  1927 - Ish
*  Robert Plant - Now & Zen
*  John Cougar Mellancamp - Lonesome Jubilee
*  Paula Abdul - Forever your girl
*  INXS - Kick
*  Grease
*  The Specials - Self Titled & More Specials
*  Duran Duran - Seven & the Ragged Tiger
*  Violent Femmes - Self Titled
*  Michael Jackson - Thriller
*  Ratcat - Blind Love
*  The Radiators - Feel the Heat
*  Hunters & Collectors
*  Madness - Mad Not Mad

And so many more.  I didn't say it was a good selection, it is certainly interesting.  If I had a record player probably one of the first I would listen to would be Duran Duran so here is a film clip to reminisce.

Video - Duran Duran Union of the Snake

On the more recent CD front (these are as equally eclectic) some of the ones I have rediscovered are:

*  Falling Joys - Wish List
*  Nirvana - Nevermind
*  The Clouds - Loot, Penny Century & Octopus
*  Billy Bragg - Talking to the taxman about Poetry & Don't try this at home
*  New Order Compilation
*  Triple Hottest 100 from 1994-1999
*  Midnight Oil Best Of
*  Janet Jackson - Janet
*  Jill Sobule - Self Titled & Happy Town
*  Indigo Girls - Rites of Passage & 4.5 Best of
*  Hunters & Collectors
*  Shaggy - Bombastic
*  Living Colour - Stain
*  Paul Kelly

But probably the one that I have on high rotation at the moment is Wendy Matthews - Lily.  She has this beautiful soothing voice that is just divine to listen to.

Video - Wendy Matthews The Day You Went Away

It is fairly clearly evident that I spent a lot of money on music throughout the late 80s and 90s!  There are many things that are coming back into fashion from the 80s some of the music could be quite happily left behind but lots of it is actually really great catchy tunes that you can dance to.  Much of the music from the 90s revolved around the pub scene especially for me that many the Lansdowne, St George Leagues, Selinas at the Coogee Bay with it's sticky carpet, Coyotes many times to see Def-FX, The Annandale, and when I wasn't in the pubs I was on Oxford st dancing the night away (or Carmens in Miranda!)  

There are times when I wonder why I can't fit into that size 8 black skirt I used to wear everywhere or my little hot pants I would hazard a guess it has a whole lot to do with the amount I used to eat (not much), smoking cigarettes, substituted alcohol for food and danced for hours and hours (plus walked EVERYWHERE when we couldn't get Taxis - I once walked from Shark Park to Soldiers Rd Jannali at about 2am in the morning alone pre mobile phones!!!! About 10km!) 

Is there anything you have recently re-discovered that brings back happy memories? 

Have a great weekend albeit a hot one so I hope you can find somewhere to stay cool! 

Cathy xoxo 

No one expects the Unexpected Chicken!

This morning I discovered that our next door neighbour has a chicken (I am not sure if there is more than one but I only heard one.)  I was relaying this story to the children.  

I was telling them that I heard this Bkerk, then another Bkrerk and there it was again Bkerk.  I wasn't exactly sure I know I am a bit slow on the uptake at times.  It suddenly hit me bloody chickens!  Great was my first thought, quickly followed by #@$% mice, it's wings better be clipped!  Last time they had them one flew over the fence was chased around our yard by our old dog who cornered it then it played dead!  Hubby and I think #$%^ he's killed it hubby goes to pick it up and it sprang to life!  I laughed so hard I tell you, he didn't at the time scared the crap out of him!  We took the dog inside and figured if it got here it could get back and if not the dog would sort it out eventually!  Not that we really wanted that to happen!  Sure enough eventually it went back home so we could let the dog back out.  

My gorgeous boy Ruts

Then it all started!  Bkerk goes the chook, woof woof barks one of our dogs!  Bkerk, woof woof woof, Bkerk, woof woof woof woof.  Are you getting the picture?  My thoughts of a quiet morning outside on the deck were rapidly vanishing with the discovery of this bloody chicken!  

Obi Wan

Next thing I hear Bkerk, scratch scratch scratch Bkerk followed by more scratching of nails on a colour bond fence.  On investigation I discover both of our dogs scratching and digging to find what the noise was!  This was not happening, seriously I have just got the kids back to school I just wanted some peace.  

Chewbacca

With the scratching, digging, barking I took my dogs inside.  Next thing I hear is more Bkerks and howling from what sounds like a dog the size of a small bear that sounds to be coming from the house the other side of the house with the chickens!!!  Awesome this goes on for about another ten minutes!  Then silence the giant sounding dog either ate the chicken or the chicken went to sleep, stopped Bkerking and stopped annoying the street full of dogs!  

Anyone who thinks dog barking is annoying has never listened to a chicken Bkerk for at least 30 minutes non stop!  

This is a video of the kids laughing at my story telling!  This is a good five minutes after I had finished my story!!!  They had sore tummies and chests from laughing so hard!  I truly didn't think it was that funny but apparently it was! 

I just want to be super clear no chickens were harmed by me or my dogs (or the other dogs in the st!) to the best of my knowledge today and I will endeavour as best as I can to keep it that way.  

Hugs 

Cathy xoxo 

Linking up with Karin from Calm to Conniption for the Ultimate Rabbit Hole!

All the dumb things ...

Image credit:  news.com.au

Given that I love my footy (NRL) always have, always will.  It would be remiss of me to not share my thoughts about the Mitchell Pearce incident.  

First I want to make this abundantly clear I UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CONDONE his actions at all.  Second I had a very quick viewing of the video and yes it is stupid but it is not nearly as bad as I was expecting to be honest!  

In all seriousness though this is not the first time a player of whatever football code has done something dumb and it won't be the last.  Sure I agree with Andrew Moore ABC Grandstand Commentator  when he says that the sport has been tarnished again.  "I'm sick to death of idiotic drunken bums ruining the reputation of this great sport, year in, year out."

As someone who has been around footballers most of my life I have to wonder what has changed.  I am not saying that they haven't always done dumb things they have.  I am not going to pretend that the players that I knew and associated with were perfect little angels, in fact, that really in many respects couldn't be further from the truth.  I honestly believe there are two factors that have potentially contributed to the increase of why we see more of it in the media though: 

1.  Super League - How has Super League contributed you might ask.  Because it brought money and HUGE money to the game but not just to the game to the players themselves directly.  Many will argue this is bad thing.  I will argue that it is a good thing.  Sportsmen and women have a very short lifespan to earn money in their chosen profession.  In fact many of them cannot make a professional living out of their sport but that is an argument for another day.  

Many people would argue that the court jester is getting paid the big $$, they don't take it seriously and don't appreciate how fortunate they are to be able to do the one thing they love, have a talent for and get paid for it.  There are plenty of men and women who play their sports on the weekend and play for the love of it.  They would love to be paid but they have to make a living elsewhere.  So why don't these players appreciate the gift of money that they have?  

Most likely because the players who make it to the elite level have grown up their entire lives being told they are fantastic!  You don't get to the elite levels and get paid the big bucks without a little bit of an ego.  They don't realise it is a gift because the players playing now this is how it has always been.  There has always been big $$ around the game, in fact I would argue many of the top grade players now would be lucky to even remember Super League let alone the time where players played the game for the love of it with a small amount in the pocket at the end of the game.  

Rugby League only became a truly professional sport in the sense of players being paid huge money in the mid-late 90's with the Super League Wars and then the reunification of the game.  Players were then paid big $$ to become professional sportsmen overnight.  This meant that they went from having part-time jobs and trying to play full-time football including full-time training to not needing to have to hold down the part-time job.  This in my opinion also meant that they lost that sense of "down to earthiness" and gained a sense of entitlement almost overnight.  

In addition to this we rapidly had a group of largely young men with no real life experience, many still living at home, with a real sense of hero worship around them (especially with the girls - honestly the stories I could tell!), and all of a sudden they had lots of money and lots of time!  Clubs were very slow to respond to the fact that players had lots of time on their hands and lots of money to spend in that time.  This meant that in the early years players sat around a lot and drank or carried on like clowns A LOT! 

There was a time when I had a Football Manager (still prominent in the game) who would ring me at work to ask about things at home and give me an update of the backyard cricket game that was taking place in my backyard.  Or the time I had a call at work from a player how could they get their ball back when our next door neighbour had just appeared at the fence with an axe in the middle of the day because they had the music up and the ball went over the fence!  I suggested just get a new ball much easier.  Sure these are tame incidents but I am in no way going to dish the dirt on players I knew, know and love for the people they are not what they did for a living.  

Footballers have always done dumb things, and in part it is how we react to those dumb things that will determine whether or not they learn from their actions/punishment and try to redeem themselves.  Or whether they ultimately think it is funny and just can't work out where the line is and continually cross it.  It also has a lot to do with the people you surround yourselves with.  

Some clubs have worked out that players need to do more than spend time in the gym, training, doing strength/conditioning and doing PR events for the clubs.  They try to engage the players in some form of education to give them something for the end of their careers.  Let's face it there can only ever be so many ex players as commentators.  This of course doesn't ever change the people that they surround themselves with. 

We know through research that young men's brains are not fully formed until they are at least 25 years old, we also know that this is the part of the brain that helps us to moderate behaviours especially risk taking activities.  We also know that repeated concussions even "silent concussions" where there are no apparent indicators of a concussion do damage to the brain.  We also know that repeated exposure of alcohol to the brain also has long term impacts for everyone, we just don't know what each individual person's limits are.  Now combine a brain that is still developing, with ongoing regular concussions and regular intake of alcohol and we have reduced ability to find the line that we shouldn't cross.  This in no way excuses the behaviour of any player or person who makes a bad choice but it may help us to understand these behaviours and in turn clubs/families better support these young men to avoid this happening in the first place.  So what is the second factor?

2.  The rise of smart phones.  I believe has had a HUGE impact on why we hear so much more about these players and the stupid antics they get up to.  

Honestly, there are players I know who have exposed themselves in public, this was dealt with in house, the people involved embarrassed the player rather than the other way around.  I know players who have walked off the ground uninjured only to fall out of the back of a ute to injure themselves again, other players who have broken bones after games have happened through drinking accidents.  I also know players who want nothing more than to go out and have a drink with their mates and to be left alone, only to have young women with very little respect for themselves throwing themselves over and over and over again at these players.  Many of the stories I could tell are of young men who have gone on to be extremely successful still in their chosen sporting fields or as businessmen, or doing really good things for the community.  These men if these stories had hit the media then could have ruined their careers (as they have done for many players in today's era Todd Carney, Joel Monaghan et al) and they would then not had the opportunity to redeem themselves and go on and do great things. 

There are so many more stories that I could tell and I could name, names but I won't because frankly it isn't relevant.  Add to that I was trusted by these men to keep their confidences.  However, there were also no smart phones around.  No-one took photos of everything we did every moment of the day.  I love my iPhone as much as the next person, I would even go so far as to say I have an anxiety attack if I don't know where it is but we do not need to take photos of every minute of every day.  We especially do not need to video "pseudo famous" people doing dumb things with a view to humiliate them or maybe even to make a quick buck.  I have heard reports that the owner of the video has earnt upwards of 60k for the sale of the video.  In recent times we see every mistake, drunken antic of every person but perhaps we just don't need to.  Perhaps Mitchell Pearce's mates would have been better served taking him home much earlier.  Who knows.  

Certainly and without a doubt Mitchell Pearce was an idiot and did dumb things on Australia Day, at a private party!  But did he consent to being videoed?  Do people have the right to video people doing stupid things without their consent?  Even more than that do they have the right to then on sell that footage?  What I don't understand (and never will really) is why do people stand around and video people (famous or not) doing really dumb things, in really drunken states, clearly unable to make any appropriate choices but rather than help them we stand around and video and watch in a voyeuristic manner to get a laugh out of other people's misfortune or to make a quick buck from someone who is famous doing dumb things!

Please do not get me wrong I again reiterate I in NO WAY CONDONE Mitchell Pearce's actions at this party.  He has made some appalling decisions the first being to drink a lot of alcohol and the rest flowing from there.  But should these decisions ruin his career and future?  Would he be better served being put into some form of alcohol rehab program to assist him to see why he has an issue with alcohol?  

Lastly, I would say that we as parents of children who potentially look up to sportsmen and women as role models, maybe we are also just a little bit to blame.  Maybe we should find other role models for our children, maybe we as parents should be their role models, maybe we should use these incidents as learning opportunities for our kids to show how stupid we can look when we drink alcohol.  

What I do think is that whilst ever we have a tall poppy problem in Australia and I honestly think we do have a big tall poppy problem, we will forever hear about the stupid antics of stupid sportsmen and women who surround themselves by people who won't look after them when they need them most.  

I also believe that footballers (of any code) and the drinking culture that surrounds most sport (and aspects) of the Australian way of life are really a microcosm of the wider society at large.  I think if we looked just below the surface of our young people we would find lots and lots of young men drinking to this state and doing these lewd acts every weekend.  Which is a big part of the problem.  I don't believe that it should be only up to footballers to fix this in society.  We as a nation need to accept that we have an issue with alcohol! 

How about we start looking for the good that players do (because even the ones who do dumb things do good things!) and stop looking for the dumb in everything.  I heard recently of a young player who had a childhood condition that he has been able to overcome and go on to play AFL at an elite level as was his childhood dream.  It was brought to his attention that there was a young boy (that he had never met and didn't know!) who had recently been diagnosed with the same illness and was about to be confined to a wheelchair.  The player reached out in a very personal way to this young boy and gave him some hope from his personal story.  How about we look for more of that and the media stop reporting on the rubbish.  Maybe if we start looking for the good and stop talking about the bad they might start wanting good publicity so will try to earn it.  We know the dumb happens and splashing it all over every paper and news broadcast for a week won't change that.  

As far as punishment goes.  I believe strongly that Mitchell Pearce should be held accountable for these actions regardless of how they have become public.  I think a 12mth ban out of the sport that included some drug and alcohol rehab.  He should also have to undertake some sort of volunteer work in and around alcohol abuse and the impact it can have on families.  I would also like to see him giving back to juniors in the game in some sort of closely supervised coaching roles.  The punishment needs to be a deterrent but it should also be a learning opportunity for Mitchell, the club, the league and perhaps even other players. 

Regarding the media I would love them to simply stop reporting, if they get this information by all means hand it to the clubs, their employers to handle but really aren't we all just a little bit over hearing or reading about another badly behaved footballer whatever the code?  

Someone said to me today that I am too nice and too forgiving.  I don't really think I am but I do know that there are young men and women doing dumb things like this all over the place and if they didn't get 2nd, 3rd, 4th or even 5th chances they wouldn't get the opportunity to go on and do some amazing things.  I know this for fact that if many of the young men I know from back in the day were rubbed out like some are these days they wouldn't have gone on and done some of the amazing things they have and that would have been a bigger shame.  

"Today's news will always become tomorrow's chip wrapper eventually!"  

Video:  Paul Kelly & the Coloured Girls - Dumb Things 

15yrs ago ...

Today I marry

my best friend

my lover 

my everything.  

These were the words I put on the outside of our order of service that we handed out to everyone as they came into the church.  We had a lovely church service on a day that was not dissimilar to today heat wise.  I had decided years earlier right or wrong I would wear an opera coat and the veil my mum wore on her wedding day.  An opera coat from shot silk on a day where the mercury was above 30 was never really a great idea, I did have a combat plan though and that was once the photos were done I would take my veil off and give it back to my cousin/photographer she had worn it at her wedding as well as her mum (mum's sister) so it is a really lovely family veil and I would also strip off the opera coat revealing a party dress underneath.  

We wrote our own vows and surprisingly (or not) I did not vow to obey my husband.  Here they are 

With the love that resides in my heart, 

I take you to be my chosen one

to desire and be desired by you without sin or shame.  

I promise to love you completely

in sickness and in health, 

in plenty or in poverty.  

I will not seek to change you in anyway and 

I will respect you as I respect myself 

This is my promise to you, as long as we both shall live. 

We have had many highs and lows in the last 15 years but we have come through it together. Along the way we have done lots of exciting things as a family, volunteered in the various groups we are part of. We have also been blessed with three beautiful children who light up our world and keep my heart beating. We are also lucky to be surrounded by the love and support of our amazing families and friends whose support we have needed more than ever in the last year. 

I love you, and thank you for saying 'I do'. 

Here is a little video of photo memories from the last 15yrs (in no particular order!) Apologies it is a little long so grab a cuppa before you sit down to watch lol ... 

Things ...

Are you the sort of person that keeps things or gets rid of everything?

I am an in-between person I think.  I don't really cope with clutter, though it seems to be everywhere I look.  I try very, very hard to not hang onto things but I struggle to let go of them all at the same time, especially things I have an emotional attachment to.

I think I am better than I used to be, though I am not 100% sure on that.  I was reading that I have a significant wool stash much more than I currently have on my shelves apparently there is at least half a dozen plastic tubs of varying sizes in the roof.  So in a way I see the wool I have and think wow I am really good at not hoarding my wool, the only problem is I am actually not as good as I think at not hoarding.

I don't hoard in the same sense that they make tv shows about.  I do remember back to an early boyfriend and his mother had a real problem.  She honestly thought she didn't have a problem, except for the fact that there was barely a walkway through the house for stuff and there was at least 3 rooms in the house that you couldn't enter partly because there was so much stuff in there it wasn't possible to get the doors open!  She thought of herself as a collector, her particular collections was dolls and their accessories.  I remember she used to call them her babies!  She also had ready access to stuff because she worked in admin in one of the Mission Australia sorting centres so every day she brought something new home!  I found it really hard being in that house.

I do however hold onto things perhaps long after they should be gone or at the very least packed away and there are things that are at the top of my list to grab should we ever have to evacuate.

Some of these things include:

This is a picture of my mum's first mixmaster about 45yrs old, a picture I painted when I was 3yrs old and my first teddy.  I also have my first two dolls and my pram (these are all in the roof space so they would be slightly harder to grab in the event of an evacuation.) 

Some pearls that were given to me by my mum from a very special lady, two Royal Doulton crazy tea sets one belonging to my Nan and one to my Nannie both of whom have long since passed away.  I have more Royal Doulton that I would grab but these would be at the top of my list.  

This cheese knife honestly it is something I treasure dearly.  It was given to me on the last Christmas we had with my grandparents.  I was 18 and such a complete brat about it.  I could not for the life of me understand what my Nannie was thinking giving me a cheese knife.  All the other grandkids got a box of chocolates and I got this damn cheese knife.  I threw a tantrum (yes truly at 18 I really was incredibly ungrateful!) and my Nannie produced a box of chocolates for me as well.  What none of us knew was that slightly over one month later my Nannie and Pa would die together in a tragic accident that changed our family forever.  Nannie had written on the box that it was always kept in until it fell apart.  Before that happened I had the words engraved on the handle and it reads "Cathy, I hope you will find plenty of use for this in years to come.  lots of love Nannie & Pa '89."  That was 25 years ago in Feb 2015, the chocolates are long gone but I still have this knife. 

 

This one I know is a little morbid but it is still very precious to me.  These are the ashes of my first baby - well not actual baby but my fur baby.  Ruts was a beautiful dog he had such a beautiful temperament and he was a brindle coloured cardigan corgi and he was very treasured as I got him after someone so incredibly dear to me died so suddenly in a workplace accident.  

These are my boys today they will never replace Ruts but Obi & Chewy have certainly put their stamp on my heart!  

Of course there are the standard things I would try to grab like some clothes (and I know from past experience of evacuation the best clothes to take are the ones in your dirty washing basket (unless you are a freak who never has any clothes in a washing basket because they are so completely up to date with washing!) mainly because these are the clothes you like and wear!  Toiletries and scripts for medication rather than medication itself because you never know how long you might be out so try to keep your scripts in the one place if you take regular medication.  Identification because this can be a really time consuming and costly process if it needs replacing.  And of course I would try to grab my photos and my lp records.  However, both of these things are in big plastic tubs at the back of the shed buried under other things.  I have a large number of photos on external hdd so I would grab those if there was not time to get anything else.  Most importantly there is a small jewellery box I would also grab.  

I try hard not to hold onto things but I really find it difficult with the things that hold a sentimental meaning for me.  What are you like?  Do you hold onto things or are you able to easily detach yourself from them emotionally to let them go?  

hugs
Cathy xoxo 

Video YouTube:  Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chaplin

Rain, mental illness, murderers and sexism ...

sourced from YouTube

These four topics have consumed mainstream media and social media feeds for days it would seem! 

Rain sucks unless you are a farmer in drought or rely on rain to fill your tanks for you know showers, drinking, washing etc.  When you are a farmer the rain still really needs to fall at the right time even if you are in drought!  Rain at the wrong time of the year could ruin the crops and that could mean the loss of more money.   

City kids complain about rain for different reasons it means that they can't get outside and do the things that they might want to like skateboard or swimming or bike riding.  Parents have another reason altogether and that is we cannot banish the kids outside when they are fighting or getting on our nerves especially in the school holidays.  We are forever looking for inside things to do that don't require some form of electronic device!  Everyone gets a little sick of each other and cabin fever sets in!  This is really never a good thing especially in the middle of the summer holidays when we should be outside enjoying sunshine and doing outside things.  

One day of rain is kind of nice to have a doona and hot chocolate day but day after day gets a little bit tedious really. The environmentalist in me feels terribly guilt about wanting the rain to go away because I know how much we need it, frankly though I am just over it, the grey skies, the kids whinging, the boredom (even my 69yr old Dad told me that he was bored today and that is really saying something!), and well the flooding and all the damage that rain can bring that is another ball game altogether.  Stay safe out there folks and remember if it's flooded, forget it! 

What all this inside time means of course there is more time for reading and as I said at the beginning there are four topics that seem to be dominating all of my feeds both mainstream and social media rain/floods, mental illness, murderers and sexism.  It has been a busy little week and we are only at Wednesday!  Rain like lots of things in life is all about perspective to some it is renewing, life blood and to others it is a burden.  

Mental illness is in the papers again for all the wrong reasons sadly.  It is not to raise much needed understanding and awareness.  It is as some people believe being used as an excuse for murder in a very devastating and tragic murder/suicide that occurred in Port Lincoln earlier in the week.  I have a very different take on this and perhaps that is because of my own experiences with mental illness or perhaps it is because I have a less black and white view on the world.  Just because someone is smiling on the outside you can never know what is happening on the inside.  Sometimes the very need to control the smile (or every aspect of your life to be perfect!) is the very thing holding them together.  Don't ever assume a smile or an appearance of "normal" means that everything is ok. 

self 

The judgement and vitriol that is appearing in comments on articles is really very sad.  It also shows that regardless of how far we have come in raising awareness about mental illness the reality is there is still very little real understanding and we have such a long way to go.  For many people they see mental illness as isolated to depression, anxiety or bipolar which means really that you feel a bit sad but if you take a pill that sadness will go away and anxiety is simply a matter of keeping calm and breathing through difficult situations.  Of course, I have over simplified things and while people cognitively know there is more to it than that, it is difficult to understand unless you have some sort of first hand experience of it.  Mental illness can often manifest in some form of self harm be it suicide, alcoholism, addiction of any sort, non-life threatening self-harm, visions, delusions, disassociation, voices, OCD,you name it.  There are lots and lots of mis-understood or mis-diagnosed forms of mental illness.  It is when it gets to this point in many cases it can be past the point of reason, rationality and reality.  

There is no doubt that someone who takes another person's life is a murderer, however, when mental illness is involved the situation is far more complicated than it might otherwise be.  Mental illness when untreated and even when treated can manifest in all sorts of ways some of these rob us of the ability to think clearly and rationally.  Generally we like to believe that every action is thought through properly, understanding the consequences, knowing right from wrong and being in a position to fully accept responsibility for our actions whatever they might be.  This is great in a perfect world where the brain is functioning properly and firing on all cylinders so to speak.  When mental illness invades our brains it can rob us (even the most rational, loving, normal etc people) of the ability to think through how to breathe.  Thankfully this is where the brain kicks in and it simply shuts out all the higher level functions and withdraws to the basic primitive levels that are required to keep us alive so we don't have to think about breathing to stay alive.  

The problem occurs when that loss of rationally and reality collides with an extreme deep-felt heartache and pain that is simply indescribable then people even very, very good people are capable of doing things that would normally in a normal world be so far removed from what they believe about themselves and what they hold as true to them.  This is by no means to say that mental illness should be ever used as an excuse for any actions.  It is however to simply say that sometimes mental illness and a far greater understanding of it could go a long way to helping provide an explanation for things.  I just can't reconcile how the vitriol and extreme judgement on this man will as many people believe help others to recognise mental illness in themselves so that they can reach out and get help.  There is no doubt that there is specialist help available, however this can be out of reach to many for so many reasons including (but not limited to) living in a regional area, not recognising in yourself you need help, fear of judgement, financial, lack of adequate help and so many more.  All too often people who desperately need help cannot get it when they need it or they do not get the right help.  Equally we speak of this man as though he was in a rational space who could recognise that he needed the hep.  Knowing right from wrong is one thing, sometimes our brains slowly rob us of our ability to see things clearly, most often it is so slow no-one really notices least of all the person themselves until it is too late.  

I say this as someone who has read over my journals today and have discovered that I have had to take responsibility for my actions, actions I do not remember, actions that hurt and disappointed those closest to me.  What I read is that even though I cannot understand the why, the what, the how or even remember the doing I have never shied away from accepting responsibility and making restitution.  This has included apologising to all those involved.  All that I can do is offer up my at the time undiagnosed mental illness as an explanation but never an excuse.  All that I can do from here is to accept that it has happened and that the apology has been accepted and it is time to move forward.  

This leads me to today's latest scandal in the sexism scandal and that is the apologies.  The quick recap is there have been a few politicians behaving really badly (sadly this is not really news) and a sportsman also behaving in a way that is generally accepted as not appropriate in this day and age.  I am not going to get into these issues honestly they have been done to death by many media outlets and social commentators and whilst there are lots of fence sitters out there it is generally accepted that the behaviour by the men involved is not on.  Now or ever again.  

My issue with these situations is the non-apology-apology.  This is when someone says "If X is offended/hurt/upset/etc by my actions then I am sorry" or when someone says "I'm sorry but I did X because X happened to me so ..."  Guess what fellas (and gals out there!) this is NOT an apology.  An apology needs to be heartfelt, it needs to show contrition, it is always handy if the person apologising shows some empathy towards the aggrieved party, it needs to be unreserved and it needs to be real with no excuses.  

The examples of apologies that have been offered up in the last few days are really pretty ordinary in the way of apologies.  They do not appear to take into account the effect their actions have had towards the other people and in all three situations (Briggs, Dutton and Gayle) the apology has only been proffered due to being caught out.  Let's face it that is really why most apologies occur but in these three instances there seems to be no reflection on the actions that they are inappropriate in the first place.  I am not sure how we get people to understand that a real apology can make all the difference even in the most difficult of situations.  Sure an apology is often also an acceptance of guilt but isn't that ok, if you have been made aware that you have in some way hurt someone shouldn't you own up and offer an apology.  Sometimes this will make all the difference and everyone can move forward together, sometimes this is just part of the solution.  Whatever the case a heartfelt apology is never going to make things worse.  

Image source:  theencouragementehaven.com

Reading over this and everything else I've read today, including what I wrote yesterday I think the biggest issue is that we still see the world in extremes.  Black and White.  Good versus Bad.  Right and Wrong.  We want to package everything up into nice little boxes because it helps us make sense of things.  Bad people do bad things to good people.  Good people know the difference between right and wrong.  

Sadly, I just don't think we can do that now or ever really.  I think that if we look back over history there are lots of examples where good people have done bad things for all sorts of reasons often these have been reasons of duress but they have happened.  Does that mean that they did not know right from wrong?  Of course not it means they found themselves in a situation where they couldn't find an alternative or they couldn't process the difference who knows.  We can never truly understand why some things happen.  

Sometimes bad things happen to good people and good people do bad things.  That doesn't mean because there is a possibility bad things might happen we should all wrap ourselves in cotton wool and never venture outside because trust me cabin fever sets in very quickly! It also doesn't mean that all good people will do bad things given the right circumstances or that otherwise good people should be defined by their actions.  Of course this is not the case for everything sometimes bad crap happens for no reason at all, there are no explanations, there is no-one or thing to blame and it still happens.  Equally there are plenty of bad people out there who simply do not care how they might hurt someone.  I am not talking about those situations.  

It would be great if in a perfect world we could package everything up into neat little boxes, it would help everyone really but that is not how life is.  There are many shades of grey between the extremes that many of us live.  Like the rain life is all about perspective and it will all depend on the perspective you have will often determine your response.  Rain can be a source of renewal and cleansing and perhaps what we need to do as a society is use the rain to help us wash away the old and learn to live in the middle ground, showing more kindness, understand and empathy.  This might help people to learn how to apologise properly, to understand mental illness, to not get cranky at the weather, to accept they need help before it is past the point of no return, to understand and listen to other points of view, to accept difference and the list goes on.  Ahhhh who am I kidding the weather is always going to be the bane of my existence it will always be too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry and never quite just right, a little bit like life for Eeyore.

Anyone experiencing personal difficulties can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au or contact Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or visit beyondblue.org.au 

Be gentle and kind to yourself and others it will really make the world a better place. 

Hugs
Cathy xoxo

Video:  Break in the Weather - Jenny Morris