Eight things I WON'T be doing before I die.

Image:  Chinaman's Beach Vincentia 2013 

Sonia over at Life, Love & Hiccups wrote about her "Eight things I won't be doing before I die."  Sonia got her inspiration from Holly at Full of Beans and Sausages, who saw the idea on The Pyreflies.  I guess it is sort of like an anti-bucket list.  It is a little odd to write about the things you won't be doing because I could just go around and quietly do them.

Sonia challenged others to do their list of eight so here is mine.  Once I got started much like Sonia I found it hard to keep to eight.  

Thanks for the inspiration Sonia.

1.  I WILL NEVER EVER GO ON A REALITY TV SHOW.

Ok I need to declare that I have actually technically been on one already.  Many years ago a good friend and I went on Ready, Steady, Cook!  This kind of really doesn't count because it really is shot in an hr and there is very little editing.  By reality TV I mean Big Brother, My Kitchen Rules, Masterchef or even worse still I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

Many years ago my Mum joked that we should go on MKR and my brother quite rightly declared that Australia is just never going to be ready for that!  I love to cook and bake so if it was going to be any sort of reality TV it would be cooking but honestly the judgement, the editing, the negative side of the 15mins of fame nope it is just not for me!

2.  I WILL NOT LET MY MENTAL HEALTH CONTROL ME AGAIN. 

This one is probably the hardest of all.  The truth is I didn't actually know how deep I was in until it was too late to find a way out.  All I know is that for now and hopefully into the future I have the support structures around me and the safety nets to catch me if I fall.  I know I have lots of love, support, friends and family around me so most importantly I need to reach out.  I think this one will be a work in progress, but I am going to try really hard to keep to this.

That isn't to say that things won't be challenging for me again, and that there won't be tough times.  I am just saying that I will try to do much better at paying attention and noticing before everything spirals out of control.

3.  I WILL NEVER GO SKYDIVING!

The truth is it is hard enough for me to get on a plane that is going to take me from location A to location B.  So for me to get on a perfectly good working aircraft to jump out and hope that I land, yeap nope, never going to happen!

4.  I WILL NOT GET A TATTOO. 

I don't have anything against tattoos, some of my close mates have the most beautiful artwork!  The reality is I am the biggest chicken getting around!  I would honestly love to get a tattoo but needles, pain and all of that it's not ever going to happen.  In the meantime I will just admire some of the beautiful artwork on other people.  Plus if I don't get a tattoo I will still be the good child (kinda sorta) my little brother has a tattoo and my mum hates them, growing up all I heard was if you were meant to have drawing on you, you would have been born with them!

5.  I WILL NOT EVER GET DRUNK AGAIN. 

Ok so given that I don't drink alcohol at all this is probably not the hardest one for me to achieve.  However, if one day in the future I found I could tolerate alcohol again I will not get rip roaring drunk  so that I wake up with a hangover ever again.  Been there done that, and now with kids it is hard enough getting up each day without a hangover!

6.  I WILL NOT HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN OF MY OWN. 

I doubt we will ever foster either, but I know that I am done.  Without a doubt you put a baby anywhere in my vicinity and my ovaries explode with cluckiness.  I can goo and gaa over a baby like a pro, the best part about babies now is that I get to hand them back when they cry and I will NEVER have to deal with a toddler again!  On the flip side I am about to discover just how much like toddlers teenagers are, and they are bigger so I can no longer simply pick them up pop them in a cot and walk away!

7.  I WILL NOT BUY ANYMORE WOOL! 

Ha!  Who am I kidding, I just threw this in to see if anyone who knows me well is reading what I write and paying attention.  That said I will need to significantly work through some of the stash here first and possibly even find a job to be able to buy more wool!

Image:  Some of my stash how can anyone resist wool is so pretty!

8.  I WILL NOT CLOSE THE DOOR ON CHANGE. 

Probably one of the things I fear the most is change and uncertainty.  There is a reason we are still living in the same house we bought way back in 2001, and it has nothing to do with my hubby not wanting to move or make a big change.  It is all me I am scared.  I get myself too caught up in the what ifs, whys and wherefores and turn myself into knots to see the outcomes of my decision of change and when I can't I get so paralysed that I stay put.  Stay with the known.  I am going to try very hard to not do that anymore and if the opportunity should arise I will try to embrace change.  That does not mean by any stretch I am going to run out and look for it!

and just because 7 was a little bit of a joke,

9.  I NEVER WANT TO LET PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN.

I know this in itself is a fairly huge challenge.  I guess I am thinking not just in recent years but over my life.  I know there have been times when I have been an incredibly crappy friend, I have broken the "friend code," and had it done to me so perhaps I felt justified, either way it wasn't right.

I want to make better choices and not be so influenced by others, I want to know "how I like my eggs"* and not just follow others along.  I want to make better choices when I am making new friends and be guided by my own judgement.  Equally I want to really listen to my heart when others or perhaps my heart is telling me it is time to let go.

Lastly, I want to be a better person.  I want my children to understand that in life we all make mistakes, how we accept responsibility and move on from those will define us more that the mistake itself.  I want to teach my children to stand up for what they believe in and when they see injustice to call it out, but to do this in a loving way where possible so as to not hurt others in the process.  Mostly, I just want to live my life in a meaningful way, a way that fits with who I believe I am inside, who some people see me to be, I want to live up to that.

Image:  Meaningful things to me, my bedside table

I would love to hear from you, what your list of eight things is.  If you can't or don't want to share all eight please share one or two with me.  If you write a blog and do write up your eight let me know and I will let Sonia know and she can work the internet magic she has and create a link up because that is waaaayyyy out of my scope of ability at this point in time.

Come on don't be shy!

Cathy xoxo 

* Reference to Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride