let's start at the beginning

Hi Everyone 

Well it has been a long nearly 3mths since I've posted on fb.  I would especially like to thank Andrew and my parents and our wider families for their incredible support, this journey is in many ways just beginning and I couldn't have gotten this far without that love and support. I would like to say thank you for the overwhelming support that our family has had, for every message, card, meal, flowers, ph call, visit, lift for the kids and so much more I can honestly say it has at times taken my breath away, I truly did not realise the support I had.   Thank you to anyone who has been a part of this there are far too many to tag but know that it may seem like a small gesture to you but it has meant more to us than you know. 

Things are really quite tough for me at the moment, I have what's called functional limb weakness which in my case is my left arm and leg which makes getting around and doing even the simple things difficult.  I currently use a walking stick to help me walk.  In addition to the physical I am having lots of difficulties with memory so if I don't reply or if you see me and I just smile and nod I'm not being rude I'm just working really hard to work out where you fit in my life.  Day to day I am living by writing in a journal at the end of the day and re-reading each morning.  This can be quite difficult as you can imagine, because not everything is always good news so re-living that every day can be hard work.  It is a little bit like living the 50 first dates movie only not nearly as glamorous.  I also find concentrating and focus very difficult and too many people or too much noise is overwhelming as is driving in cars.  So I am not really seeing anyone unless they visit me or unless I really have to go out, this is really very hard for me.  I am not driving for the foreseeable future and I am no longer working either.  

In old school terms this would be called a breakdown with a good dose of depression/anxiety.  Turns out everyone has a capacity level to cope with things (yeap even me - news to me too!) mine was a little while ago only I didn't recognise it so things spiralled to the point of my brain and body shutting down for me to get the help I need.  

My journey is a slow one but those around me assure me that I am improving even though I might not see those improvements.  I have a great rehab team around me plus the amazing support from all of you my family and friends.  I have good days and bad days hopefully with my rehab the good days will outnumber the bad days, but obviously it is going to be a long journey there is no quick fix or magic pill unfortunately just lots of hard work both physically and mentally and time, and if I do everything I need to and am patient I should get my movement and memories back.  

If I can just say one thing to everyone, we are not meant to do things alone, if you are doing it tough reach out to someone so you can get the help you need.  If someone asks how things are - be honest - no one can read your mind, so don't expect they will "work it out" because they might not.  I clearly had far more support than I realised and I am sure this is the case for us all don't try to put on the brave face and get through I can honestly say it is not worth it. Listen to your friends or family if they suggest you need help (I didn't) often they are far better placed to see that you need some help than you are.  

Thank you for everything (and getting to the end of this!) I am loving being home with my family and knowing that my friends are just a call or message away is pretty awesome too.